The Ides of January

Yes, I know it's supposed to be March but time for a change. January is really a bleak month in good ole Indiana. Trees with no leaves, snow on the ground, roads permeated with salt,mud and ice. Days are beginning to get longer which is a welcome sign that Spring is just a couple of months away. So you say yes we know that no need to remind us of the dreary season that is Winter. Of course I know that but misery loves company so back off. Just so you know I truly detest Java program language. I've done some research and found out that biblical scholars have found many scriptures, murky in nature, that attest to Java being created in the ninth circle of Hell. Odd but true. You don't believe me? Try writing a program with it, you'll see. So Pro football is just about to culminate it's season with a fantastical, commercial jubilee that offers the selling of food,beer and big screen digital tv's. Many a pundit will discuss the effect of Pro football on the average American psyche, but not me. I think all that analyzing of football drives all these middling prognosticators a little crazy. But see here! all the TV Execs have decided to present the big game at the first of February, thus giving up on the dreary month January. Did anyone ever ask January how it feels about its abandonment issues? C'mon everybody let's give the first month a great big ole Polar bear bear hug. Maybe that might warm its heart a little and make those first thirty-one days more palatable. I'm not sure if it's possible to physically come into contact with an abstract concept such as a month but for everyone's sanity I'm willing to try. Whaddya say peeps? So we're at the time of they year when shows are beginning to start their new seasons which means LOST is just about here. Hallelujah! My favorite show. To all those LOSTies brace yourselves for another wacky season of plot twists and disappearing islands. I myself am hoping Sawyer finds a shirt to wear.

Just as an FYI the rapper DMX who is currently incarcerated is mighty peeved that his jail jump suit is pink! Hmmm I think if I found myself in jail I'd have other things to be unhappy about, like being in jail! Just an observation. Maybe he will get in touch with his feminine side whilst in jail wearing pink tighties and write an new rap opus titled "Don't dis' dis homey whilst wearing pink tighties" I hope you're listening Phil Spector, oops wait a second, I think he might not be available to produce the song due to a short stint in prison too. Oh well maybe Notorius B.I.G or Tupac will help him put the song together. As I get older I now understand why crusty old septagenarians mutter to themselves while whistling "Buffalo Gal" and taking that football that landed in his fenced yard and never giving it back. It's because of all that new whippersnapper clap-trap you hear on the transistor radios today. Now excuse me I have to jump in the Studebaker and cruise on down to the corner gymnasium to toss the old medicine ball around before the USO dance tonight. Ciao` J

Tis the New Year!

Hola Amigos,
I know it's been awhile since I last rapped at ya. I've been hatin' life here lately cause my Ford Fiesta blew a tire and... hmmmm I think I'm channeling Jim Anchower oops sorry about that. So the Holidays have passed and all the gifts and merriment have been exercised, unwrapped and tucked away until whenever we get around to them. Christmas is all right but everyone is too concerned about spending money and buying presents. To me I find it something to have to get through. Maybe I'm bored and sick of it all, who knows. Lately I've been about trying to understand new things and history. Maybe it's about growing older or jaded. I don't know for sure. I was watching TV the other evening and there was this infomercial for Hip Hop Abs. No jive! This dude, the world famous "Shawn T", is selling a dvd program of him dancing around and its supposed to develop your abs. Hmmmm, a fool and his money are soon parted. The host chick was walking aorund in work out garb and claiming her abs never looked better but her mid-section was completely covered. So logically put; If her abs never looked better, wouldn't she want to show them off? Just a thought. Is this what we are reduced to as a nation and as a culture? Hip Hop abs? I realize this is the curmudgeon in me rearing his ugly head, but for the love of all that's holy, give us a break. How about Tennessee Waltz abs? or Blue Grass abs or Acid Rock abs, Emo abs? When does it end? So the best advice I can offer is, if you like the idea go for it, if not scroll up the channel list and buy some really slammin' snuggly blankie/robes for watching the Hip Hop Abs infomercial. See I not only complain but I offer solutions. You know the circle of life thing. Is anyone else bothered by Dick Clark actually showing up to his Rockin' New Year's Eve show? I mean I get the whole TV/Rock icon thing but he had a stroke and he is very, very, very, very, very, very old. I say invite Kirk Douglas on the show next year to make it perfect bookends. That would be entertainment. Is it wrong of me to be watching 'Days of Our Lives' with my wife. I swear it's like a car wreck on the highway. You know you shouldn't look but you have to anyway. I truly hate the writing, acting, commercials every five minutes. This whole sordidness reminds me of an old joke. There were these two old lady friends who were looking for a retirement home that they could move into. They visited one that they had heard good things about. The retirement home director showed them around and after their tour invited them to have lunch in the home's cafeteria, which the ladies took up the offer. Whilst eating one friend says to the other "Wow this food is truly awful" then the other friend piped up "Yeah and such small portions too!"..... It's kinda like that with the daytime stories. Happy New Year! J